It is 1:30 am and I am staring at this screen... The entire world seems to have gone quiet after creating a supernova of noise the whole day. Now what I listen is the silence of millions of working hands...As I write this blog spot, somewhere from far I can listen the passing train... Life is as still as the night that is just passing by. I want to hold it and pause the entire universe for a moment...
At this strange hour, when the night is sleepy and day is not yet around, I realize that I am me. Not a husband, not a son, not a brother, not a colleague nor a friend. I am just me. All of a sudden I feel time has come to a halt. I feel like the last survivor on this planet and maybe someday, someone will read this and realize that there was once a "me" on this earth. How else would anyone know about me? It is so calm and quiet here that I can hear my own breathing. After a long time, I can feel my own breathe. I am astonished at the rhythm it has. Not a single beat is being missed. Feels like I am alive. I look at my hands... Hundreds of lines that determine my destiny, but not a single one that tells me about my present...This is the time when I feel that the shadows of life are longer than my age. Showing me all the memories that I left far behind. The yellow afternoon, the gray school, the green rains and the colorless rainbows that I have seen just flash in front of my eyes. I see my mother holding my hands walking down the lane to helping me to get in the school bus, I see my father returning from office at 5:30 pm on this Bajaj Cub - I see my childhood running bare feet in the lonely lanes of forgotten time. I just need a life this calm and quiet. Not a riot of so many colors and so many sounds. All I need is my orange childhood and the music of my breathing. I want to run in the open spaces and dip my self in the ice cold water, I want to scream and yell and I want a story to tell... I want to end the run and stop and look around.
I am not sure if there is a tomorrow, I am not sure if there is a now, but I feel alive more than ever. I wish I could capture this time in a bottle and throw it far far away into the ocean. Not because I want to let the time go, but now I don't want to see it end...Because I know, tomorrow when I wake up, the air will be filled up with noise and chaos, all the stillness will be consumed in the vast ocean of people. Trees will again become lifeless and the breeze will die on the glass panels of my air conditioned office. The aroma of this night, will then be replaced with sweaty people and their puffing lungs...
And me? I will once again put up the mask of another role and mix into the lifeless crowd...
Your realization is an innate need of every human being since the beginning of civilization. Few people have been relentless in their pursuit of truth and have luckily found it. Most others have let life slip through their finger by gathering worthless trinkets and smothering the inner voice searching for peace. Well, hope still remains: Keep asking those questions and maybe you will get lucky someday! Nice post :)
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